I have started to write this topic already in June, right about the time I arrived to Zagreb. For some reason, it has been very difficult to finish it and I have many times opened it, changed something, added something and even deleted a part of it. Recently, I have been talking a lot with my friends from Finland and I have missed them more than ever. Especially, because so much has happened since I left Finland in April. One of my friends got a baby, one has due date in two weeks and one just bought the first apartment. And I am still here, undecided and not even close to a feeling of “normal and casual” life.
When you are moving abroad you are just excited about the new things coming up, but at the same time there is so many things you leave behind. Family, friends, and everything what you are familiar with. I have always been social person (although I think the breaking point was after I finished high school), but at times, I still find hard the fact, that I am alone. I do have my husband, but obviously life can’t go around your marriage and both of us need own time and space. Family and friends are not going anywhere in Finland, but it is the fact that the distance will takes its toll and I do need some social circles here too.
Why making friends is so hard when you are an adult? Not only you become pickier, but also a bit lazy. When you have already your nice gang, you do not have urge to have more friends. And if there is a chance to get to know new people, you end up usually on acquaintance level. Most of my dearest friends go far back and newest friendships were mostly colleagues from work and no one tried that hard to pursue the friendship any further. Basically, those new friends are already gone since I moved away from Finland in April. There was not enough time to get into deeper level of friendship. It took me 29 years to gather all those amazing friends I have, so finding new as awesome friends doesn’t happen in a day.
I am now in a situation when I have to do everything to search for social circles, but the others already have their circles. Many expats ends up with other expats through different channels such as Facebook groups, Couchsurfing, and other platforms. We both used to be active couchsurfers, but after the website has gone through major changes, it didn’t really serve us as it used to. Biggest problem now is the amount of new people who do not use it as the original idea and mostly I was getting dating messages from guys (even though it I clearly state that I am hosting with my husband). I also find attending to random expat events quite exhausting. Many times these expat events are hosted by group of people who have known each other for very long time and new people have hard time to soak in.
I do not miss Finland so much as a place to live, but I miss it because of the people in there. I message my friends and my family daily but it is not enough. Luckily, traveling is so easy nowadays that many are interested in visiting every now and then. My oldest younger sister, parents, and grandmother visited me in Warsaw and I really hope my friends get to visit us here when we finally decide to settle.